The Daily Bulletin · No. 011 · 20 June 2026

Ten Maple-Flavoured Dairy Products, Ranked

A conflict of interest, herewith disclosed

The Collection discloses, before ranking a single product, that it is not an impartial judge of maple-flavoured dairy. It has a history with one of these items. It has ranked that item first. It invites the reader to weigh the ranking against the disclosure and to arrive, as the Collection did, at the same conclusion.

1. No. 1 · The Standing Entry Garelick Farms Maple Milk, one pint. (See the record.) The Collection discloses its conflict of interest and ranks it first regardless. The product is not on trial and never was. Of every party present at the Cumberland Farms on November 9, 2001, the Maple Milk was the only one to conduct itself without fault.
2. Maple frozen custard.A strong entry, undone only by not being the one in question.
3. Maple yogurt, the good kind, from the farm stand.Not the supermarket kind. Everyone knows the difference.
4. Maple butter, which is neither maple nor butter in the way you expect.Ranked on potential and a pleasing name.
5. Maple soft-serve at a sugarhouse in March.Seasonal, and improved by the cold you ate it in.
6. Maple cream cheese, on the correct bagel.The bagel is doing some of the work. The Collection accounts for this.
7. Maple milk you made yourself.It is not the same and you know it. The Collection knows it too.
8. Maple "creamer," nondairy, included under protest.Present in this ranking on a technicality it would rather not discuss.
9. Maple ice cream with the little candy bits that are too hard.A good idea sabotaged at the final step.
10. Maple milk left in the sun.Ranked last out of respect. It tried. It was let down by the day.

Bulletin No. 012 will rank ten moments at which the words "excuse me" would have sufficed. The first sufficed for everything that followed.